Positive Discipline

Can I just say that nothing makes my blood boil more than hearing parents question whether or not it’s okay to spank their child. I can feel my anxiety shoot through the roof right now. It is never, and I repeat, never okay to spank your child.
Granted, at one time, I didn’t always feel that way. Ben and I were all for spanking Parker. That’s the way we would discipline. Spank his bottom and put him in time out. Seriously?  I just have to hold my head in shame as I remember that. It wasn’t a lot. And it wasn’t hard. But it was spanking, none the less. What was I thinking?
I am so grateful, as I am sure my children will always be grateful, that I was pointed in the right direction when Parker was about 2 years old. My sister,Pam, was working on her Master’s in Education, {correct me if I’m wrong, Pam} and she was taking a class on Early Childhood Education. Her Professor, Dr. Kersey, is the author of The 101s: A Guide to Positive Discipline. Did you get that? There are 101 ways to positively discipline your child. Key word, positive. I’m pretty sure spanking doesn’t fall in that category. Spanking = Hitting. And when is it ever okay to hit another human being? Especially your child. Who, in the first place, was “misbehaving” so you hit them to teach them not to misbehave? Seriously?
Anyway. I just needed to let out a little steam. It really really frustrates me. That, and when children are not in car seats/seatbelts. But that’s a whole ‘nother story!
Is it hard raising children? Yes. It it very trying at times? Yes. Do you get exhausted, as a parent, and don’t know what to do when your child misbehaves? Yes. Is the “easy” way out to just spank? Of course. It doesn’t take any effort on your part to hit your child. It’s pretty easy, in fact. Is it the right thing to do? Never. Ever. Ever.
And just to prove that there are more ways to discipline your child. Here are the top ten. And the link for all 101 of them!
The Top Ten Principles
1. Demonstrate Respect Principle - Treat the child the same way you treat other important people in your life - the way you want him to treat you - and others. (How would I want her to say that to me?)

2. Make a Big Deal Principle - Make a big deal over responsible, considerate, appropriate behavior - with attention (your eyeballs), thanks, praise, thumbs-up, recognition, hugs, special privileges, incentives (NOT food).

3. Incompatible Alternative Principle - Give the child something to do that is incompatible with the inappropriate behavior. "Help me pick out 6 oranges" (instead of running around the grocery store). If your husband is annoying you by playing his Gameboy, instead of berating him, simply ask him to help you by drying the dishes.

4. Choice Principle - Give the child two choices, both of which are positive and acceptable to you. "Would you rather tiptoe or hop upstairs to bed?" (“You choose or I’ll choose.”) This can be used with spouses. “The garage needs to be cleaned out. Would you rather do it tonight or Saturday?”
5. When/Then - Abuse it/Lose it Principle - "When you have finished your homework, then you may watch TV." (No homework - no TV.)
6. Connect Before You Correct Principle – Be sure to “connect” with a child – get to know him and show him that you care about him – before you begin to try to correct his behavior. This works well when relating to parents, too. Share positive thoughts with them about their child before you attack the problems!

7. Validation Principle - Acknowledge (validate) his wants and feelings. "I know you feel angry with your teacher and want to stay home from school. I don't blame you. The bus will be here in 45 minutes."

8. Good Head on Your Shoulders Principle - Tell your child – frequently – especially as s/he reaches the teen years – “You have a good head on your shoulders. You decide. I trust your judgment.” This brings out the best in the child and shows him/her that eventually he will be in charge of his own life and responsible for his/her own decisions.

9. Belonging and Significance Principle – Remember that everyone needs to feel that s/he belongs and is significant. Help your child to feel important by giving him important jobs to do and reminding him that if he doesn't do them, they don't get done! Help him/her feel important by being responsible.

10. Timer Says it’s Time Principle - Set a timer to help children make transitions. “When the timer goes off, you will need to put away your books.” “In five minutes, we will need to line up for lunch.” It is also a good idea to give the child a chance to choose how long he needs to pull himself together. “It’s okay to be upset, how long do you need?” Then allow him to remove himself from the group and set the timer. You may offer the child a choice (and set the timer) when it's necessary for him to do something he doesn't want to do. “Do you want to pick up your toys/let Susan have the wagon/take your bath -in one minute or two?”
 
I haven’t read these in a while. So, maybe all of this is a good refresher for me. So, thank you ______________ {I won’t name any names} for reminding that’s it’s important to NOT spank your child.

Go ahead. Try it. Take one or two principles and implement them in your everyday life. It works for adults, too. And let me know how it works out for you. Because, trust me, it's worth it!

I love these little guys too much! ♥