On with the rambling!

I know I’m not the only one that feels like they have to prove themselves. I think we all go through life at one point or another feeling inadequate. Why do I feel the need to prove myself. I don’t even know what I am trying to prove, but darnit, I’m always trying my best to do it.

And that is what I am so tired of. Why is it so hard to just be happy with who I am, what I am, and who I am trying to become? Why do I allow others to affect me in such a way that their actions are continually on my mind. Why do I spend time worrying about what other people are thinking of me, and not enough time on what matters most? And then, even when I feel like I’ve ‘proved’ myself, I’m still not good enough. Go figure.

Hmmm….just a few ramblings of inadequacy! Not really what I planned on writing, and I wish I could convey how I feel and that the words would flow freely and make sense, but, unfortunately for you I am completely random.

And the whole “proving that I’m good enough” thing. Well, I’m so over it! This year I am really into making resolutions for myself, and that, by golly, is one of them! Because, darnit, I am good enough.

The first step is figuring out how to be content. With myself. I feel like my whole life I’ve felt this way. My whole life. And I guess I always thought that once you “grow up” all these things that you’ve struggled with your whole life just go away. *poof* {oops, I almost put poop. That would have been funny!}

Scratch that. It sounds a LOT  better in my head.

I just have to take it one day at a time. I need to focus on the positive. And realize that what matters, and what doesn’t.

As far as my other resolutions, they all include food. What the? Food? Is that really “real” resolutions? To me, it is. Not eating food. It doesn’t have anything to do with dieting. Or eating healthy, although that is what I am already working on. I am completely going to step out of my comfort zone. By golly, I am going to tackle a few things I’ve been intimidated to make. Do you want to know what? Sugar cookies. Yep. Sugar cookies. The adorable, artistic, looks incredibly hard to make sugar cookies. And I’m going to take a million pictures when I do. And macarons. I’m jumping on the bandwagon a little late, I know. But that’s how I roll. It took me forever to get the courage to make lasagna. Lasagna!?!?! It’s pretty much one of the easiest things to make. But I was completely and utterly intimidated. So that’s it. Sugar cookies and macarons. Watch out 2012, you won’t know what hits you!

Enough with the blabbering. If you made it this far, great job! You deserve a medal. Or a macaron. The latter won’t happen for quite a few months until I muster up the courage. And buy a food scale! I need to get me one of those!

My sweet, dear, Paisley. She is growing up so stinkin fast. She loves dressing up, playing tea party, and watching t.v.

 

Annnnnddd….guess who’s a sunbeam today? That’s right. My eyes started to burn as I dropped her off in the “big classroom” for her first day in sunbeams. As I was walking the halls with Parleigh, I peaked in on her class and she was so cute sitting quietly in her seat, being oh-so reverent! She really is such a sweetheart!

 

 

Miss Parleigh is turning into Little Miss Personality. She’s so close to walking any day now! She has the cutest laugh and is extremely ticklish on her legs. I love her so.much! We all love her so.much!

New Year’s Eve I was crazy enough to go run a 5k with the girls. The race started at 11:35pm… we literally raced into the New Year!

I’ve ran in 3 previous races. I’m using the word ran very loosely because, frankly, I’ve never ran. Walk/jog is more like it. Two 10k’s up in Alaska eons ago, and a 5k a few months after I had Paisley. So, really, this is like my “first” one running. I didn’t stop at all, which was HUGE for me, I just kept on going. I feel very proud of myself! I finished in 31:22. Not too shabby. I could have knocked off a few seconds cause I stopped short of the finish line thinking it was the end, then had to start again. I’m such a nerd!

Here’s to a GREAT year! Here’s to being HAPPY with myself. Here’s to TRYING new things! Happy 2012 everyone!